


somewhere in these eyes

by smallball



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, I'm slightly dramatic I am sorry, kind of angsty but it ends well??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:40:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22778080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallball/pseuds/smallball
Summary: She’s like a dying star, Yaz thinks, burning out and collapsing in on herself
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan, Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 5
Kudos: 70





	somewhere in these eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Why would I write my thesis when I could write THIS??! My thassie heart is shaking after 12x08. Hope you enjoy it?
> 
> Title from Space Song by Beach House and it's a perfect song to go with this fanfic and with thasmin in general so listen to it as soon as you can!!

Yaz wakes up with a jolt, her head suddenly lifting up from the soft pillow. She blinks in confusion and her eyes adjust to the darkness of the room as she takes in her surroundings and relief slowly floods her body. She’s in her old room back in Sheffield, she remembers now. The Doctor dropped them off in the late afternoon with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. Yaz recalls peering into their hazel depth and her stomach drops at the memory of the utter sadness, loneliness and _oldness_ hidden behind a façade of cheerful babbling and youthful appearance. Her Doctor.

She throws back the covers and feels goosebumps forming on her skin, as a sheer layer of sweat that covers her body is suddenly exposed to the cold air. Getting up and rubbing her face in her palms, she walks up to the window and comes to an abrupt stop as a delicate glow of a blue police box standing right outside catches her eye. Yaz feels suddenly alert, every muscle in her body tense, her mind going a hundred miles per hour. Without thinking she picks up the jeans discarded on the floor next to her bed and pulls them on. Taking a quick glance around the room and grabbing her phone and keys, she quietly sneaks out, putting on her sneakers and grabbing a jacket on her way out.

 _4 am_ , her phone says, and she doesn’t know what to make of it. The Doctor could have forgotten to check, confused the time again, but something tells her it’s not that. She thinks back to the emotions pouring out of the Doctor’s gaze the last time they saw each other, the blonde getting worse and worse at concealing the storm raging in her head and the helplessness that comes with it. Yaz worries – she worries all the time, but the conversation never goes anywhere, it never brings the answers she so desperately wants. She wants to make it better, she wants to hold the Doctor, she wants to take the pain away. But desires and reality don’t tend to mix well together these last couple of months.

She picks up her pace, jumping off two stairs at a time and is finally greeted by a gentle breeze as she pushes the door open. It’s almost bright outside with full moon illuminating the surrounding area, but the soft light emanating from the still form of the TARDIS stands out among the field of grass stretching out before her.

She reaches the box in no time, her jumbled thoughts and incoherent worries making it feel like an eternity. Raising her fist to knock on the wooden frame, she’s welcome with the doors cracking open and gently pushes them further, taking a tentative step inside.

Looking around, Yaz sees a small figure hunched under the console, her face hidden from view by a curtain of short, blonde hair. The Doctor takes a few shaky, shallow breaths and looks up at Yaz, the façade crumpling, her face twisted in pain, her sad eyes defeated. There are tear tracks on her cheeks and they glisten in the orange hue of the console room.

Yaz’s heart breaks at the sight, the most beautiful yet harrowing sight in the universe. She’s like a dying star, Yaz thinks, burning out and collapsing in on herself. She should fear it, but something makes her come closer and immerse herself in the rawness of the spectacle.

“It’s gone, Yaz” the Doctor whispers, and her breath hitches slightly, the overwhelming pain taking over again. “My planet. Gallifrey, it was called. It’s just dust and fire now, it was destroyed”

Yaz feels her breath catch in her throat, eyes suddenly burning with unshed tears. She wants to cry for the Doctor, wants to scream, but instead she drops to her knees on the TARDIS floor and reaches out for the blonde, arms wrapping tightly around her back. She holds the Doctor as the woman lets out a sob and clings to Yaz for dear life, her silent weeping making her small frame shake each time she takes a ragged breath.

Yaz’s hand draws comforting circles on the Doctor’s back, another palm resting on her head, fingers tangled in her blonde hair. As her cries slowly come to an end, the Doctor’s breaths getting longer and steadier, Yaz lets go of the tight embrace, her palm finding its way under the Doctor’s chin. She cups the Doctor’s cheek and delicately strokes it with her thumb, wiping away the salty tears.

“I’m so sorry, Doctor” she speaks softly, holding her gaze. “I know sorry doesn’t cut it and I can’t even imagine what you feel, but I need you to know I’m always here for you.”

“Yaz…” the Doctor mutters, her voice hoarse and fragile, and yet it’s the sweetest sound Yaz could imagine right this moment.

“You are so strong, Doctor” she says with conviction, shiny eyes piercing through the Doctor's, right into her soul. “You persevere. You’re a survivor. You take all your pain and keep going, keep saving us all. Thank you.”

A strand of loose hair falls to the front of the Doctor’s face and Yaz gently tucks it behind her ear. They regard each other in a comfortable silence, a quiet understanding filling in the air between them.

“Thank _you,_ Yaz” the Doctor finally speaks and a small smile starts forming at the corner of her mouth.

It’s not the vibrant, generous grin Yaz was used to, but this time, it is real. Not a façade, not a defense mechanism, a way to brush off the questions and the concerns. This time, the smile reflects onto the Doctor’s eyes too, and Yaz knows things will be okay. An unimaginable loss like this can break you, but the Doctor will rise. She will pick herself up and stitch herself back together, and she will keep running and saving planets and bringing hope.

Because some stars, but only if they’re big enough, explode when they die. They collapse but they explode, and they create supernovas.


End file.
